I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
