guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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