Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
