I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I think we might need a safe word for this...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
