You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
