she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Brb crying the tears of my youth
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
