im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
