so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
