At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize