plz talk dirty to me
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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