Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
