gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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