"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
