There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
