Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Randomize