the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
