I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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