i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So vagazzling was a success
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize