Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
porn star boner night. come get it.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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