hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
