i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
