so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
