Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
