Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
