____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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