Your face is a jimmy john
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
