I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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