We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
