So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
so let's talk penis.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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