Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
