I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
