She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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