I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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