I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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