My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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