I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Life is so much better after having sex.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
