I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
