You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
