I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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