There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You may now shotgun with the bride
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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