I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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