she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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