yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
