We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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