We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I pour the whiskey from now on
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize