He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
