I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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