Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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