I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
