is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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