not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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