My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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