i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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