he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
