I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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