hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I accidentally burped into my bong.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
