I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
