dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Every concussion has its silver lining
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize