it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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