I think i peed on brittanys purse
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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