I need to stop coming to work sober
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
