So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize