I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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