I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
